Sunday, February 2, 2014

On the piano

For the first time in my life I am free to play whatever I want on the piano as loud as I want and as repetitively as I like for as long as I want. Not that anyone around me would have EVER discouraged my practice in such a fashion, but I am dreadfully aware of how testing the repetition of the same few chords or phrases over and over and over and over and over again can create stress in the environment for everyone except the person playing it. Or how the mistakes in the songs can stand out and become humbling and inhibiting, if I think for a second that they are spoiling the experience, even though it is not supposed to be a performance, but rather an introspective time of practice and reflection.  And having grown up in a house of 6, I learned that it was all about having "practice time" when it was up to me to do whatever I wanted, and nobody could really say a thing...or more importantly, I wouldn't feel bad about annoying the heck out of everyone around me. I tend to be a little sensitive to stuff like that. In this day and age, that problem is of course partially solved by an 88-key, fully weighted synthesizer, with headphones and some pretty good piano sounds.

But let's be honest here...there is absolutely NOTHING like the sound of the piano, echoing through a house, bouncing off of the walls, reverberating in the air when those chords and phrases come together, after hours of practice, and thought and feeling and all at once that song finally HITS, and it just feels like something might actually be coming out of me that I like. When I figure out something I was working hard to learn, or when I stretch the boundaries of my melancholy deep and dark enough to find new places in my mind that can be expressed intentionally on those keys. It's a pretty liberating experience. 

And being alone right now I have found a lot of these moments, and I am grateful for them. 

This is one of those silver lining things. This is the momentum I am working on right now. 

This is life. 

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