It's almost 8pm and I'm catching up at the office, having already posted close to 12 hours today. All good though...the energy levels are high, and this is but a pause for reflection before I bang out 3 offers and head home to eat, feed the dog, and get back after it on the laptop. It's going to be a late night. I'm OK with that, too. It's not what I plan on doing for the rest of the week, or the rest of my life.
But there are times when you have to dig deep and get what you want. There are times when you need to gut check and figure out what you are made of. Tonight is one of those times for me and work.
This week has been one of those times for me and my emotional well being.
This month has been one of those times for my self and my spiritual well being.
And right here, right now, I can say with all sincerity that I AM doing OK.
The struggles I have are partially still tied to that one person I just can't seem to stop thinking about but which I'm working on every day. I have learned to let the anger go almost instantaneously...it is simply a result of my desire and inability to control that which I can not. So I remember that fact almost immediately, and I move on. I can't control certain things.
Sadness, resentment, remorse, guilt...those things I have to feel. But I breathe, I think about where I am and what I smell and feel, and that in this moment, it's OK to experience all of that...and now I envision what it will be like when the day comes that I wake up and I don't feel any of those things any more...and what I will do with myself on that day. Who will I be.
I fucking love that guy.
He's right around the corner. I'm catching up to him slowly as I crawl out from below...climbing up to take his place...to enter his space and feel the power of complete peace, self-respect, love for all and ability to handle anything. And he has forgiven and he is forgiven, and he is capable of anything.
This blog has really turned into a outer-space journey into my psyche...there isn't a lot of interesting reading here for anyone right now, I get that. I don't care. It's for me. It's my journey. If you take something from it, God Bless you...enjoy and I hope that the lessons assist you in avoiding the pitfalls. But if nothing else, know that if you're here, no matter WHO you are, I appreciate your presence, and I know that you care for one reason or another...love or hate, it's all good to me. Because I am.
Back to work.