Friday, October 10, 2014


I wish there was a do not disturb button for my life. I won't go into a long rant or anything, but I'm quite overwhelmed at the present time, and wish I could hide. On a mountain. For a month. I would carry Ireland up the mountain because I know she doesn't like to hike, but it would be worth it.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Good morning, Sunshine

It's funny that sometimes I forget how easy it is to commune with my Pops. As easy as going on a pre dawn run down to the river, feeling the pain in my left foot, the still broken big toe, the ready-to-roll right ankle, and thinking "Jesus, I don't think he ever had to deal with this shit!"

But breathing the air in deep and watching the sun rise and thinking about how he used to pull me out of bed by my feet and I would come crashing to the ground on my face and we would go knock out a couple of miles around Virginia lake...I find myself talking to him and thanking anyone that will listen for this beautiful journey that I'm on. 

It's pretty amazing. 

Thanks, Dad. 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Season of change

I feel the cool fall falling down around me. Huddled up in the embrace of my two warm children, in the comfort that only they have been able to provide I have found the solace that reassured me this winter would not be bad. That's when it hit's looking like an Indian Summer.

Monday, August 18, 2014

The Wonder

The kids and I were talking about singing tonight. Ireland, apparently, is going to be in the school choir. I was trying to explain the difference of singing from the head and singing from the diaphragm and what a huge impact someone's real voice can have.

To further articulate my point I went to the speakers and called on my old friend, Stevie. I played "Ngiculela - ...I am singing", in which the climax of the song has some of the best vocal work I've ever heard. Pure energy and love. And I danced around with my baby girl singing it to her because the words are also so pure and good. 

As I set her down, Sis's eyes filled up with tears, and I asked "what's wrong!?"

She looked up at me from above the rims of her glasses and said, "I'm just so sad that he is blind" (meaning Stevie Wonder, of course). I smiled and said, "I know, beautiful, but perhaps that is one of the reasons that he is so in tune with everythig else, and can sing such a beautiful song so well."

I love this girl so much is hurts. 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

The quiet in between times...

Life is moving very fast. Work has been the usual overwhelmingness and the kids are amazing and keeping me on my toes. Football is in full swing again, and I anticipate 4-5 nights of my week being dedicated to just that. I've been trying to take some of the in between times of my life and include lots of people in bbq's in my almost-remodeled house...swimming after a long day of work...but generally just hanging out. And I'm pretty sure that with the pace of life and everything coming up with kids and work, etc, even those times are not long for this world. I'm OK with it, just a little bit lonely, having adjusted to a more singular existence as of the last few months. But it's something I have needed, and it's helping me gain some composure and awareness of what is right in the world, and how things fit into my life that are supposed to be there. Unfortunately, there simply isn't a lot of room for much and rather than stuff the little spaces with things that aren't really going to fit, I have more often been trying to enjoy the vacancy and the silence, and learn to enjoy it rather than fill it back up with an imbalance of work or whatever I cram in there. Some day, I hope, something or someone will actually fit in. I have my doubts, but remain optimistic.

Sunday, July 6, 2014


Tonight's entertainment: Bollywood style that we are going to translate to a party soon. 

Om Shanti Om!!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Thanks for the advice

I was standing in the coffee shop this morning, my bandaged toe visible since I decided to wear flip flops, and the woman behind me in line gasped "Ohhhh....what happened there!?" I thought it was a bit dramatic, since the bandage is clean and fresh and was actually put on by a professional at the doctors office. But I just explained to her that, "I broke my foot and crushed a bone in the toe, and now I'm fighting an infection and letting it heal". "Listen, I'm a massage therapist and I work with essential oils and they will penetrate everywhere, and fight any infection. Go down right now and get oregano oil and basil oil and they will prevent anything from ever happening to it." I nodded and expressed my appreciation for her craft, but went on to explain that, "I had been taking antibiotics for 2 weeks, but since it was an open fracture, compounded through the skin and never really able to heal right, the infection had turned into a staph infection, and now I was going to "nuke" it completely with as many harsh antibiotics as I could doing anything humanly possible to avoid what I hope is not already a bone infection...that will mean 6 months on an IV and possible loss of the toe altogether. It's my big toe, I kind of like it and ... "STOP right there!!! The place you need to go to get the oils is right down the street and you need to go see....(trailed off into the space where I don't care to listen anymore because obviously she didn't either)..." But thanks for the advice. I bet the holistic approach is phenomenal, and I don't disagree, but I have mountains to climb and kids to whip at basketball, and a roof to jump off into a pool, so I think I'm going to need that toe. I get it...antibiotics are bad for you. I don't disagree. So is a staph fact it fucking hurts, and I'm done messing around, so please...enjoy your coffee, and your oils, and do me a favor if you ever have kids: VACCINATE THEM, and GIVE THEM THEIR SHOTS!! Read up on CDC for 15 minutes some time. And probably just have a nice day because I'm in a lot of pain, and not the most pleasant person to be around.

Monday, June 16, 2014

I know I have a lot to learn. I hope for a new opportunity every day. I'm trying very hard to let go of anger and I'm aware that it's a necessary step at this point of my life. 

And there is pain I must feel. I've been very humbled lately and I'm now confronted with the possibility of losing a piece of me permanently and I know that there's a lesson in it. Whether I lose it or get to keep it I'm not going to pass through this fire and this pain without learning this one thing. Once and for all. 

I deserve happiness. We all do. 

Thursday, June 5, 2014

And now you can rest

Bodie was really the best dog I have ever had in my life. What he has meant to me and my kids has been discussed here on the blog, and in other spots you might find me. But he is worthy of a much longer, more detailed, heartfelt post that I haven't had the time or the emotional strength to write quite yet.

But Sean and I put him down together earlier this week, and I wanted to mark this important time on my blog because he deserves it and so much more.

We miss you, Bodie. We love you, Good Boy.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Another trip around the sun

Today is your birthday and I hope you are finally having a good one. I hope this year is easier for you. I hope you find a way to thrive, if you aren't already doing so. 

Saturday, May 17, 2014

At the drive in again...

Eating Burger Me. 

Giggling and anticipating the movie and full of silliness and I Love You's and...

I seem to find myself, quite often saying, 

"Actually, THIS might actually be the greatest day of my life" 

Saturday, May 3, 2014


Sitting in the back of the Yukon last night, as the movie is about to start, and we are all getting settled in-

Sean: "Thanks for taking us to the drive in, Dad!" (Huge smile)

Ireland: "Yeah, Daddy, thanks...this is awesome!" (Falls over throwing her arm over me and laying her head on my chest to watch the movie)

Me: "Of course, thank YOU guys for wanting to do this" 

Seriously just one of those moments when I know that life is absolutely perfect and I am blessed. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014


Or should I say the lack of ability to think for yourself...It's no way to be.

What is on the inside of you is far more important than what is on the outside. Be careful who you influence, and what it is you teach them. You never know who is looking up to you simply because you are pretty. Respect yourself, respect those that care for you, and show some gratitude for the gifts you are given.

And most importantly: learn how to formulate your own opinions and stand up for them, no matter who it is you are surrounded by.

Immaturity is the incapacity to use one’s intelligence without the guidance of another.”- Kant

And He Will

Sean just sent me an email with the subject line "mountains". We have been talking about climbing Mt. Whitney this year, and I put in for a lottery ticket for the overnight version. He is excited, and although I haven't heard back yet, I know we will climb something big this summer for sure. He has been doing research online about it, and has since decided that this is just the next step (we did Mt. Rose last summer) in our journey to the top. His attitude, and ability to set goals is amazing, and was articulated in the word doc he attached to the email, which looked like this: hi dad these are the mountains [emoticons for thumbs up/yes, angry face, wink]


This kid wants to climb all the way to the top.

I fucking love it.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Furry Love

Bear. Aka Boo Bear. Aka DottieBear. She's making me fall hard. She goes by Bear.

Monday, March 24, 2014

"Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign ‘cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really." Harvey Milk

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

-Steve Jobs

Saturday, March 15, 2014

The Ides...

...there are objects of affection...there is always one addiction...

Tuesday, March 4, 2014


I am. Always entertained by these two, caught here in a staring contest, post everyone-has-to-tell-a-joke-at-dinner-component, mid-seat-dancing and just doing them.

They get me.

I love them.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Well, puke

Sometimes being a kid is hard.
Big thanks for Babymama taking off of work yesterday and being flexible today to make sure that BOTH of my little sickies have their mommy around to love them and make them feel better. You really are the best around.

Sunday, February 23, 2014


Tonight was a lot of fun. My mom had my sister and 2/3 of her kids with her and brought dinner over to share with the kids and me. 

And Erin- my favorite part was being able to share some genuine laughs with you. 

As much as I share mom's feelings about wishing you were living closer again, I can tell you are happy and that makes me happy for you. Your kids are still such sweet, beautiful treasures and as limited as our time together is these days, it is very special to me to have it...even in small doses. 

Looking forward to seeing you guys again. 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014


Best Girl20060619_0025eganmenFor a laughSoCal BoundBaller
MonGood friendsRealNYE CheeseFirstSandwich
Blood is running. I'm ok with it. #imstillabovegroundAWe just wanna meet Rick RossI am filled with gratitude. Happy Thanksgiving.Pretty LightsYenny and MonChiChi
Sweat it out. #tradition #gratitudeNephewGet with the team. #movember #fuckcancer #cancercanlickmyballsThe DL sucks...Hi, sky
This is ME SMILING, a set on Flickr.
Insomnia has me reflecting and respecting what a blessed life I have lived.

And for my mother: I DO smile quite often ;)

Monday, February 17, 2014

Any minute now, my ship is coming in...I keep checking the horizon...and I'll check my machine, it's sure to be that call. It's gonna happen soon...soon...oh so very soon. It's just that times are lean. 

And you say; "Be still my love, open up your heart, let the light shine in."

Don't you understand, I already have a plan. 

I'm waiting for my real life to begin. 

-Colin Hay

Saturday, February 15, 2014