It wasn't always so complicated. There was a time when it came naturally. It was unlearned. I've had it so many times. It's one of those things...
Where would I be without the wellspring of memories?
Who would I be without the experiences that tempered the animal inside?
Who would I have missed were it not for the grand design in all things?
Lost, and further even than I am now, down the road we all travel, to the end we all find.
I don't know who said it first, but I remember the guy that reminded me about 15 years ago; "Count your blessings. It helps." It's true. When I do, that the list can be long and full of surprises, and I often find my mindset changed from then to now.
I've been in and out of the thought process all day today. It began as the sun rose, on my way into the day I passed by a man sitting curbside waiting for the bus. It was cold out this morning, and I wasn't upset about it...turning the heater on in my car was a luxury I hadn't tapped into for months. And as I went to reach for it, and saw the man sitting on the cold concrete sidewalk, I realized that I am lucky. I have it pretty good. It may not last forever, and I think it's a good idea to pay attention to these little wonderful things I take for granted every day. Like the shelter over my head, the food in my stomach, the knowledge that the two angels in the picture above have closed their eyes and drifted into dreamland, resting to attack another day at elementary school with joy and abandon, and love for each other and the world.
I want to stay in the place I found this morning. I want to live in the gratitude that multiplies itself exponentially. I want to be rewarded for the feeling with more of itself. And these days it takes making an inventory of the little things that keep me there.
The weight of the world is something we all shoulder. As parents we take on more than our share so that the burden our children will face can come gradually, easily, calmly and with training about proper form, balance, and knowledge that it's possible.
How amazing were the people in my life that have carried a piece of my own. How strong are the shoulders that surrounded me, that have brushed up against mine. How perfect are the little ones I look down upon today, already growing and strong in love and faith.
It's a beautiful mystery, this life. I am so confused and so awestruck every day. I am so grateful for the many voices that speak out to me in passing moments, with a smile, or a reflection. This world is all a reflection of the people who we are. To look into the faces of the two most perfect little people that I have ever known is as close to God as I have ever imagined being, and the message that is communicated the most perfect form of love from any power I have ever known. To think that I may have been a vessel of that same message to those around me at any time is a validation of my own life.
Thanks to my family and my friends, for loving me, and allowing me to love you. Thanks to my children, should you ever read this blog some day when you too know what it's like to struggle and cry, and to wonder where the place is that you got away from, where you felt thankful and good. May you find some piece of comfort in the words that I have for you both: I love you more than life itself. You are the reason I am here. You are perfect. Never have I seen such loving, caring, sensitive and considerate human beings. You are already more amazing to me than anyone I've ever met, and I know that you will do whatever, and go wherever you want in this world. Stay true to your hearts, for they are absolutely in the right place, and it's a quality that you were simply born with, so it will always, always be there even when it seems like it's not, or it escapes you for a moment. You are loved by so many, yet you give so much more back to us all. You are beautiful.