Monday, June 20, 2011

F-Day

I didn't go into the weekend with many expectations, only those of spending some quality time with the two most perfect children I know. That wish was granted, and I had a wonderful day with them yesterday, which included a lively brunch at the Stonehouse, and a good romp at the park on Plumas, including some fetch with Bodie and some hoops with Sean on the 10 foot rim, which was impressive...in fact, if animal control hadn't shown up to tell us that Plumas Park was now an "on leash" (*bullshit**Cough*) park now, I think Sean had a good chance of beating me at horse.













So we rounded off the afternoon with a swim/sun session at Gramellen's Montage condo...delightful. Those two are so affectionate and easy, and they seriously make me realize just how blessed I am every day.





























It crept up on me when I knew that my time with them was coming to a close that there was something missing in my day yesterday. I got pretty sad, and I looked at the slide show of my dad for the first time in a couple of months, and I let it out a little bit. It's not like father's day was some huge deal between my dad and us kids, but it was one we paid attention to. There wasn't a father's day that went by when I didn't enjoy golfing, a bbq, or something special to recognize that he was the man, and the best dad I knew, and he was loved and appreciated. Sitting alone, thinking about the fact that I can't call him up, at the very least to say hi, got to me a little bit yesterday.




There was one year I wasn't quite as excited to make that call. I was back from San Diego for the summer, and I was borrowing my dad's brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for the weekend whilst he was out of town, Atlanta I believe it was, on a trip. When, at about 4am his time, he picked up the phone to hear me explain that I had just about totalled his new car through the fence of a house up by Manogue, I don't think "Happy Father's Day" were the 3 words he was looking to hear. We got over that one, and several other little speed bumps over the years, but I always, ALWAYS talked to or hung out with him on Father's Day, and so yesterday was something new. It hurt.

But there are so many things, on top of being a very, VERY lucky father, that make me appreciate this life and this world, and even the day yesterday. Being able to call or text other fathers I know, and wish them a happy day. Receiving calls or texts, or even posts to my wall that wished me a good one too. Some of them coming from people very near and dear to me in a fatherly way.


Thanks, Mark, for the message. You are like a dad to me, too, and it means a lot to have you in my life.


Thanks, John, for spending some real quality time with me lately; you are a wise man, and a kind one, and more fun now than I ever remember. Shooting off a few rounds was just what the doctor ordered, and the talks have meant a lot to me.

Dick, you won't read this post, and I hope you got my card, but just in case I'm putting this out into the universe for you: you'll always be a father to me, too. You have always treated me with love and respect, and what I have learned about the world from just hanging around you has a value that will never be adequately measured. You are an amazing grandfather to my kids, a kind and generous man, and you speak from the heart, always. I hope we get whatever this is figured out pronto. Life is short, as you well know. I love you.


Sorry to take this post in such a personal direction, but I guess that's what the day is really all about: taking it personally. Fatherhood is not for the weak or timid. It's not for the non-committal. I am not perfect at anything, and I have a lot of work to do to even be good at a lot of what I take on, but being a dad is still the most important thing I know and I work at, and that's because I had the best one there was. Thanks, Pops. I miss you.

6 comments:

mohap247 said...

perfect

Megan said...

oh, this post got me. as do most of your posts, but this one really, really got me. beautiful.

happy father's day, brian.

Zack Sheppard said...

"Sorry to take this post in such a personal direction"

Don't be sorry. That's why we come here. :)

Erin said...

love.

Ellen said...

Brian - what a beautiful post....and a tribute to your dad, as well as Dick, and Mark too. You are a wonderful dad

Brian said...

Thanks, Mom. It means a lot. To be honest, I think this shows that I have HAD wonderful father figures in my life. If this awareness makes me a better Dad, I'm happy about that, but I am still a ways off from being what all of these men were to me, to my own children. But I'm working on it.