Friday, October 22, 2010
Just so you two know, you are both my heroes. You guys have huge balls, amazing strength, and big hearts. You are both, in your own way, the Man in the Arena. And since Teddy said it best, I'll leave it to him to describe in words that I can't make any better:
It was hat day. Everybody else wore crazy hats. He wore a cool one...backwards...his shirt was on backwards, too...just because.
Makes me wanna: Jump! Jump!!
My little daddy mack.
I love this moment, right before he realizes I showed up to pick him up from school instead of his Bobo. This kid makes me smile.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
There's a much more detailed post in the making...marinating in my head as we speak. Until then, the short version, aka: why I don't have the time or energy for more. Dad's in ICU right now recovering from an experimental brain surgery that has never been done before. Nobody knows what to expect.
He had his game face on going into it. What else would he do? He's Pat Egan.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I was just watching a show on Nat'l Geo or Animal Planet or something like that. There was a re-enactment of these 3 dudes who were in this smaller plane that started to have engine issues as they headed into the face of a mountain. The pilot banked the plane but it wouldn't pull up, and inevitably there was the ground coming up really fucking fast. The guy in the back seat interjected a dialogue as the plane in the re-enactment was about to eat dirt. The TV pans from plane to survivor as the story dives on. He says, "I heard we were going down and I had about 15 seconds to say to myself - I've had a good life."
What would you think in that moment...if you can actually ponder that. I don't know if I could, but I have been close to something like that, and I remember what I thought...it went something like this: "This is gonna fucking hurt"
Yeah, I guess those are two perspectives. One takes into account the future, while one stays in the moment. When you break it up like that, it almost seems like a spiritual discussion. But the reality of what either perspective actually MEANS to the situation is that it just doesn't matter. What happens, happens.
But I think I prefer to live in the moment, brace myself for impact, keep my eyes wide open for the split second when I might be able to duck, dive, jump, or eat shit...and respect the fact that moments in life when we can feel truly alive are few and far between, and Jesus Fucking Christ, here we go.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The truth is that a lot of things in this world are simply not in order. The more I try to put things in order, or expect them to follow certain rules, the more I get slapped with a little chaos right across the grill. I blame myself for not ever learning that there is no control...expectations lead to let downs, and the only way to Be is to roll with the punches.
Sometimes, in the toughest, most stressful moments, it's actually quite beneficial to enjoy the chaos, and look for the smiles that exist therein.
And I'm aware of something else that's true: Not only can I not control what's happening to me all the time, but I sure as hell can't control what's happening to others, or opine on their choice of how to deal with them. It's their own bowl of chaos that they have to eat. Everybody I know is doing pretty good anyway.
So what do I do when I find myself standing in the hospital room with my Grandma and my Dad, wondering what the fuck is this all about? Go have lunch with Grandma in the cafeteria, of course. It was Chinese food day. Pretty decent, actually.