Growing up on the bank of the Truckee River was a blessing. At a young age I learned of confidence and trust in the water and in myself. I would take Paddy and Todd down from the park to the backyard of our house, a 4-seater and an oak oar...no life jackets back in those days. I think they were 5. The water is always the same...30 years ago, and today. It's a little faster in the spring, the runoff still cold, and the sun setting a little bit earlier. Then when the heat starts working down, like today, the runoff all but melted, and the water temperature up by about 4 degrees or more, it gets really, really good. The water level is still high enough to where the butt bone has less of a chance of breaking on a rock. The sun provides a solid 12 hours of workable space with which to plan or be spontaneous. The guys at the gas station on California are awesome about letting you grab some air on the way out. Everybody on the water is your friend. Everybody knows. It's the best place to be.
And lying back, my neck stretched and my mind not thinking about what rocks might be coming up ahead, what rapids cry for inevitable navigation at some point in the future, I realize that I have no control...it's not in my hands. It's peaceful.
The river is a tough place too...It was my thing to do with Anna.
Thanks, Austin, for the tubes. They are the real deal, and worthy of a professional like yourself.
Thanks, Logan, for going for a float. It was a perfect break in the day. A good way to wash off a little heartbreak...for us both.
I just got home early to let Bodie in...it's freakin' hot out. So I'm checking my emails and finishing up my day, and decide to turn on the TV for some background noise. Somehow, it's on Telemundo. I didn't notice for a while...maybe 10 minutes, when suddenly I realize it's not English I hear, and I look up.
What to my wondering eyes did appear, but a middle-aged, hairy white man with his shirt off and a mask on, leather pants, on all fours barking like a dog in response to the masked blaexican dominatrix who walks him around on a chain leash shouting "muy fuerte!" and spanking him with a multi-tasseled whip...all whilst the closed set audience of an otherwise vanilla looking talk show watch in curiosity.
THAT's what's going on south of the border right now.
Oh wait,...the host is interviewing her. The dominatrix pauses for a drink of water. The camera pans up the man who is now fastened to an X-shaped cross with wire and chain...passing his hairy fat gut on the way up.
It has nothing to do with my experience. Meth is nothing I care to get involved with. I hope I never witness something like this close to home. I just wanted to say that the message is well delivered. This is a real hit-home kind of effort that makes everyone...addict or not...consider the value of time. It got me on that level.
So does "Man on Fire" starring Denzel and Dakota. Watching that now. I am blown away that until recently, I was likely not as emotionally mature as D. Fanning...that girl is an old soul.
If only I had a target to go after with as much aggression as Denzel has in this captivating flick. The aggression is not a problem.
Maybe that's the message. It's to channel that much aggression into the protection that prevents such loss and desperation. It's a tough thing to see your place in the storyline.
Quick experiment: Go to the upper left corner up there where it reads "next blog", and just start clicking that over and over. Before each click, take note on whether or not you notice something about "God", "Jesus", "Bible" or some other scripture, etc, within the first 2 seconds. I just hammered about 20 blogs very quickly, and I honestly think 17 of them were dedicated to these very things. I'm sure they all had their different substance and meaning, but the overall theme was quite surprising. Seems like the blogosphere has become the ideal place for testimony, religious dialogue, and more. I'm pretty sure that a couple of my readers fit this category as well. And I am not judging, simply observing.
Well, I know I can get spiritual as well on occasion, but to be quite clear, I like to mix it up. I take from the good sheppards in all walks of like: Jesus, Cohelo, Buddha, Bukowski...to name a few. There is wisdom and meaning in every fucking thing on this earth, isn't there? And by remaining open to it all, I think I have reserved my freedom of speech to drop the occasional F-Bomb. We'll see how that stands the test of time, say, when Sean figures out how to follow this thing...the time approaches!
But this is the Evolution. This is a work in progress. I am a work in progress. Yes, it's all about me, so for those of you who have in the past made comments about "I am the hero of my own blog": no shit! Call it whatever the hell you want to call it. Hero. Antihero. Villain, even. Just don't call me uninteresting. I have made enough progress and more than my fair share of mistakes to have earned the right to avoid that labelling for the rest of my God-Given existence. (See, there He is). Fuckin-A.
If there is a lack of biblical scripture in here that gives what apparently 85-90% of the blogging world is looking for...I'm so sorry. It's a book you can find in a lot of places...from the pew in your church, to Barnes and Noble, to the bedside nightstand in the motel room where the people before you very likely weren't there to read it. But it's out there...ALL over the place. And it's here on the internet, too...just not RIGHT here...not on the Evolution. Sure, I might toss out the occasional "Do unto others..." garble, because it works for ME. And it works for my way of being a dad. I just had the Golden Rule convo with Sean last week...I think he gets it already. But I am not Paul, and there are no Corinthians that I know of to speak to online. If there were, I might toss out some thoughts on Love, though, just like he did. He was pretty good at that.
So what can you expect here on the EotM?
Pictures of me being an ass.
Stories from my childhood...which still rears it's head even today.
Hopefully more on the success tip soon. I could use it. Lately it's been a lot of heartbreak. Even if it's between the lines (sorry, Austin...I didn't realize I was being so cryptic until you pointed out your surprise). I guess I just have been trapped in a glass box of emotion, and unable to properly reach the keys on my mac to get it all out. I also hate sounding pathetic, but the truth is that I have really been feeling sad lately. I also hesitate to tell too much, because some of my family and friends who read this thing are likely to start elaborating in ways that I understand but can not stomach at the moment. My stomach is a little f'd up, actually. It doesn't want food. It doesn't let me sleep. It's kind of a mess, and I am seriously thinking about getting it replaced. I heard there is some kind of stomach surgery or something, and I'm not sure if I qualify or whatever, but I'm probably going to look into it at some point soon.
One thing I know they don't have...I checked...it a heart replacement surgery. THAT would be awesome. Something that takes out the old one and puts in a new one, and then everything that the old one wanted, felt, desired, and was made for would just go away. They should call it a heart transplant. Wait...
No. Not really. I don't want a new one. I want to respect the one I have, and the ones around me that I care for. I want to hold them delicately, and protect them, and carefully construct every single syllable that comes out of my sometimes stupid fucking pie hole. I want to make it work right. I have learned a lot about this process in the past month, and I have to say I am pretty grateful for the lesson. And despite the pain I still feel, I am actually happy.
I still have a friend. I'm working on making it more. Starting from the beginning is not a bad thing. It puts things in perspective. It makes me appreciate what an important process we are all going through. It makes me realize the depth and truth of my feelings. It makes me realize how much power we all have to hurt. It makes me want to use my powers for good ;) It makes me want to evolve.